A Time to Celebrate and a Time to Lament

Every season of the year, I create a new Facebook photo album to document the shenanigans I will (most likely) get into over the course of that season/semester.  I end up titling each album with something that represents what (I expect) is going to happen over the course of that album.  For example, I titled my Fall 2013 album "The Beginning of the End" due to the fact that it was the first semester of my last year of undergrad.  Of course, sometimes I end up having to change the name of the album part of the way through so that it more accurately reflects what I'm experiencing (like Fall 2014 started out as "Mastering the Divine" but quickly changed to "How the Heck Do You Spell Athanasius" after writing his name down in my notes fifty thousand times and spell check never knowing if the spelling is right or not).

All this is to say that I've changed my photo album for this summer.  It started out as "JK there's no summer break in grad school" (due to the fact that I am currently taking a six-week intensive Hebrew course), but I've renamed it "A Time to Celebrate and a Time to Lament", because as I sit here at the halfway point of the summer and look back on the past two months, I notice that the threads of celebration and lament have been sewn throughout my summer (and probably my whole life, but I don't have a single Facebook photo album for my whole life).

I celebrated the fact that I got to go on a two-week choral tour of the Balkans, increasing the number of countries I've been in to 15.

Yet I lament at the fact that the Balkan region was torn up by bloody war, the evidence still visible 20 years later.

I celebrated going to Annual Conference, being elected to the General/Jurisdictional Conference delegation as the first lay alternate delegate to General Conference (and probably the youngest delegation going to General/Jurisdictional Conference in the denomination), and being a part of the Conference endorsing and sending (by a fairly sizable margin) seven petitions to General Conference that would change the rules of the United Methodist Church to allow for LGBTQ persons to be married in United Methodist churches and be ordained as ministers in the United Methodist Church, as well as allow United Methodist clergy to perform LGBTQ marriages without having to risk losing their credentials.

Yet I lament that the conference failed to pass a resolution that would have us advocate and pressure Albany to raise New York State's minimum wage to a living wage of $15/hour, relying on tired, fear-based rhetoric such as "it would hurt small businesses" or "it will result in people losing their jobs" rather than living into Christ's resurrection hope that calls all of us to work for a just society.

I celebrate that our national conscious has finally realized that flying the Confederate battle flag does not honor Southern Pride, but rather is a racist symbol that at least should not be flying over public land and buildings.

Yet I lament that it took a racially based act of terrorism against a historic black church and the loss of nine innocent lives to come to that seemingly common sense notion; that black churches are being burnt; and that in spite of how far we've come since the time of slavery (both in years and accomplishments), the evil of racism is still alive and well in our country and around the world.

I celebrate a historic ruling from the Supreme Court that allows for two people who love each other very much and want to publicly profess their love before family, friends, and God will be allowed to do so even if they happen to be of the same sex and/or gender.

Yet I lament that my LGBTQ Family members can still be legally discriminated against because of their sexual orientation or gender identity in the majority of states in the USA; that many of my LGBTQ Family embers still face stigmatization, leading to higher rates of suicide, mental illness, poverty, unemployment, and homelessness (among other things) than my straight Family members.

Of course, all of our entire lives cycle through seasons of celebration and lament.  But for one reason or another, this tension has really stuck out to me this summer.  It has seemingly been one thing after another.  As I reflected, I struggled with figuring out which emotion to feel.  Do I celebrate the victories, or do I lament at the failures?

But then I realized that celebrating and lamenting are not the primary goals.  Rather, the primary goal is to work to build God's kingdom, governed not by fear, but rather by love, here on earth.  No matter what the victory we celebrate or the failure we lament is, we still have work to do, and it cannot stop because of a good thing happened or a bad thing happened.  Our celebrations and our laments cannot be the end of the story.

The need for incarnation

We are in the midst of Easter.  A celebration in which we remember the resurrection.  We hear in church "Christ is risen! Alleluia!" a lot during this part of the liturgical year.

But if Christ is risen, then I want to know where the hell he is.  Because right now, it certainly doesn't feel like he's here.  Not in the midst of massive earthquakes.  Not in the midst of systemic racism that plagues our society.  Not in the midst of a vast divide between the haves and the have-nots.  Not in the midst of corporations that control our entire political system.  Not in the midst of war and destruction, which only begets more war and destruction.

Christ is risen, and now we're all alone.  We are the ones who are left to fix this by ourselves.  The resurrection is supposed to give us hope, but in times like these the resurrection just makes us feel alone.  I need an incarnate God right now, not a risen one.

I need an incarnate God when black man after black man is killed in police custody.

I need an incarnate God when society tells us that black men are inherently more scary than white men.

I need an incarnate God when violent riots are the only way for society to hear the cries of the oppressed.

I need an incarnate God when society thinks property damage is more important than the loss of life.

I need an incarnate God when a city 40 miles away from me is burning.

I need an incarnate God when I'd rather bury my head in the sand than address these issues in a public forum.

I need an incarnate God in the wake of environmental and natural disasters.

I need an incarnate God when we think that the right to marry is the only way to ensure equality for the LGBTQ members of our family.

I need an incarnate God when people with privilege are blind to the privilege they possess.

I have hope in the resurrection, but what about the here and now?

It's times like these when we can turn to the witness of the laments in our scriptures to provide us with some comfort.  The laments validate the emotions we feel during these times of distress, and (as my Hebrew Bible professor says) they are some of the most faithful prayers found in the scriptures.  I don't have that much to say about any of the problems plaguing our world that hasn't already been said (by people far more eloquent than me, I might add).  What I do have to offer is a lament that I wrote for my Exploring Congregational Song class.  I initially hemmed and hawed about the best way to get it out there (thinking that maybe I could gain something from its publication or something).  But I've since decided that we all need this lament right now, and if that causes me to lose out on a few royalties, so be it.  Feel free to use it/spread it around as you see fit.  All I ask is that my name stays attached to it.  

Christ is risen...Christ is risen indeed...Alleluia.

---------

O God, our King, we're all alone.

There's no one left to hear our groans.

Pain, grief, and death are all around.

To sin, the world itself is bound.

Injustice looms 'round every bend.

The poor, their plight, it knows no end.

The guns are drawn, the swords unsheathed.

O Lord, our God, we cannot breathe.

Return to us, God on high.

Deliver us and hear our cry.

Restore the world to life anew

So we may live and worship you.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise God all creatures here below.

Praise God above ye heavenly hosts

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Alleluia, Amen.

Lent 46

Holy Saturday.  A fellow blogger pointed out that "Holy Saturday is different than any other day in the Christian year, I think, because it's a day dedicated to nothing."

And he's certainly right.  After a week full of the drama that surrounds the triumphant entry into Jerusalem, the turning over of the money tables in the Temple, the betrayal in the garden, and the crucifixion, Holy Saturday is kind of...anticlimactic.

If Holy Week were a critically acclaimed television series, Holy Saturday would be the filler episode before the season finale.

The image I associate with Holy Saturday is Jesus dead and locked away in a tomb and his disciples hidden away somewhere mourning and trying to figure out what's next.  The world is still shrouded in darkness. There's nothing really exciting happening.

Admittedly, it's hard to see God on Holy Saturday.  God died on Friday and God will rise on Sunday, but we're left here in this in between state of not knowing what exactly to do.  What do we do when God is dead?

The blogger I mentioned above called this day emblematic of the "fallow" time—the time between an ending and a beginning.  He explains it more eloquently than I ever could, so you should check out his piece (here's the link again).

Since tomorrow is Easter, today is also the last day of Lent, marking the end of this blogging journey I've been on.  As much as it's been about trying to see and discover God's work in my day-to-day existence, it's also very much been a period of self reflection and discovery.  I've wrestled a lot this Lent with what exactly I'm being called to.  My call to ordained ministry has been a big part of who I am for the past seven years, and in a time that has been wrought with change, my call has been one of the few things that has been constant.  And yet I've recently been starting to question whether or not my calling lies in ordination or not.

And I think that's ok.  Like I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, questioning is a sign of a healthy faith.  Over the next couple of weeks and months, I'm going to continue to wrestle with the discernment of my calling.  In the meantime, I'm going to stay in and celebrate this fallow time that I find myself in, because even though it's hard, I can still see God in the Holy Saturdays of my faith life.

Thank you for following me on this journey.  Have a blessed Easter season!

Today, I saw God in the in-between, fallow period.

Lent 45

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Today, I saw God dead on a cross.

Lent 44

Behold, I give to you a new command: you are to love each other as I have loved you. 

The Latin root of Maundy (as in Maundy Thursday) is mandatum, as in mandate or command.  We call today Maundy Thursday because we remember the new command that Jesus gave his disciples before he was betrayed. You are to love each other as I have loved you. As the rest of the liturgy of the Triduum unfolds, we see just what the implications of Christ's love for us entails. 

Betrayal. 

Humiliation. 

Desertion and abandonment. 

Torture. 

Death. 

Christ's love for us entails his suffering through all that and more. In short, Christ's love for us is sacrificial. 

You are to love each other as I have loved you. 

Christ is calling us to love each other with the same sacrificial love that he loved us first with. Therein lies the crux of it all. But what does it mean to sacrificially love someone in the 21st century here in the powerful and privileged United States of America?

I don't think it necessarily is a call to martyrdom (but that's not to discount the witness of those who have been and will continue to be martyred for their faith). For starters, Christians in America aren't being systemically persecuted for their beliefs as Christians around the world are (in fact, it saddens me to say that too often we are the ones who are doing the persecuting). 

But if the cross we (individually and collectively) are called to bear doesn't involve our own gruesome deaths, then how is it that we can sacrificially love each other as Christ has loved us? In order to understand that, we first have to know what exactly it means to sacrifice. 

We talk a lot about sacrifice during Lent. The tradition is that we deny ourselves of something we hold dear for a period of forty days. This often manifests itself in phrases like "I'm giving up ______ for Lent this year". But as I'm about to point out, this misses the mark. But first, a disclaimer. 

I wish I could take credit for the following theological reflection and say that it came to me in some divine revelation. That is not the case. As I mentioned, my mom was in town this past weekend, so I wasn't able to be at youth group this week. I was in the church office two days ago, and the youth pastor was there, so I asked him how youth group went. He said it went really, really well. 

He said they were talking about the topic of sacrifice and what it means. He presented it in the same way I just did (in relation to "giving up"). He then asked the youth group what they thought sacrifice meant, and one of the young women (the same one from my women's day post last month) said that she thought the concept of sacrifice has an element of hope to it, whereas giving up is inherently hopeless (giving up = defeat). You sacrifice something because you care about someone else. 

I know. When he told me that 13 year old girl's insight, my brain exploded too. 

I had never before heard sacrifice defined in that manner, but it makes perfect sense. Why did God come down incarnate in this world to live the life of a human being and endure all the pains that life entails? Because God so loved the world that God was willing to sacrifice God's very nature to show us that death does not have the final say. God does not give up. God wins. Life wins. Love wins. 

Unfortunately, in order for there to be a resurrection, there has to first be a death. And that's what we now find ourselves in the midst of, not just in these next three days of the liturgical calendar, but in the very world itself. It's often said that we Christians are an Easter people living in a Good Friday world. 

But by answering Jesus' call to follow his new commandment; by sacrificially loving others as he sacrificially loved us; by pouring ourselves out to heal the world and all its inhabitants in the way that he did, we can destroy the kingdom of oppression that we currently live in and replace it with the kingdom of justice.

We can destroy the kingdom of hate and fear, replacing it with a kingdom of hope and love. 

We can destroy the kingdom of sin and death and replace it with the kingdom of God. 

We are surrounded by death, but through our love for one another and by the grace of God, we are bold to envision, proclaim, and bring forth something so much better. 

We live in a Good Friday world, but Subday's coming. 

Today, I saw God in Christ's sacrificial love for us. 

Lent 43

One of the realities of working as a church musician is that you wind up being forced to celebrate liturgical holidays before everyone else.  It obviously makes sense.  You have to rehearse the music ahead of time.  Before that, you have to spend some time selecting music.  Late last summer, I was going through the calendar and selecting all of the music that my children's choir would sing this year, meaning I had to spend some time sitting there and listening to Christmas carols in August (much to my roommate's chagrin) while I selected songs for them to sing on Christmas Eve.  The Chancel Choir started rehearsing its Advent oratorio this past year in October, and we've been working on our Easter Anthem since before Lent started.  It's not a bad thing or a good thing necessarily.  It's just part of the job.

Anyways, the church I sing at does two services on Easter Sunday, but the choirs combine (there are two separate choirs at each service), so both services are the same.  However, since the combined choirs have to work together in conjunction with the brass/organ/handbells, every year we all get together the Wednesday before Easter to rehearse everything, but there's definitely a cognitive dissonance when you're singing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" with full forces during Holy Week.  And yet singing that hymn this evening gave me a tremendous amount of joy.  Even though it's still Lent, I was able to witness a brief moment of Easter bursting through at that time, and it was wonderful.

Today, I saw God in singing a hymn too early.

Lent 42

I mentioned that for the past couple of days, my mom has been here visiting. She got in on Saturday, and she headed back to New York today. It was really great to have her here with me over this stressful weekend, and even though I had her here as company, I was able to get all my work done that I had to get done. I have to admit, it's rough being so far from home (I have no idea how my West Coast friends do it), but I'm so glad that both my parents are still close enough that they can drive down and visit me with relative ease and without much in the way of planning (this visit was planned about a week and a half ago). It definitely gives me comfort. 

Today, I saw God in my mom's visit. 

Lent 41

Do not think that I have forgotten about today's God sighting.  As a matter of fact, I've known what my God sighting for today would be for quite some time.  However, most of the efforts of this day have been spent reading and preparing to write a paper for Church History that is due tomorrow (Tuesday...because I still haven't learned my lessons vis a vis procrastination).  That said, the paper gives me no real concern.  I'm sure that I will have written it by the time that it is due.  Alas, this does not pertain to my God sighting for the day.

My grandmother on my mother's side was born and raised in a small town in Pennsylvania called Waynesboro that falls on the border of Pennsylvania and Maryland.  Because of this, my mother—even though she herself was born and raised in Michigan—would spend many summers at her grandmother's house in Waynesboro.  During her time there, she made one particular friend who she managed to keep in contact with throughout her adult life.  In fact, I have vague, yet fond, memories of driving down to Waynesboro with my family to visit with this family friend.

However, as my life went on, they fell out of contact with each other (pretty much occasional phone calls and Christmas cards).  Yet when I first visited American University, my mom, knowing that Waynesboro is pretty much on the route to D.C., called her childhood friend up and my mom and I wound up getting invited to spend the night at her house on the way to D.C.  I don't think that I have driven with my mom between D.C. and Rochester once since then without at least meeting my mom's friend for dinner—although often staying the night at their (she has since gotten married) house.  Every time, I am absolutely floored by their hospitality.  Last night was an example of that.

Since my mom is in town, we made the drive up to Waynesboro yesterday after church to re-connect with them.  We had an fantastic afternoon of chit-chatting over wine and crackers and a delicious home-cooked steak dinner.  Of course, because they are so wonderful, we were able to spend the night there and return to the D.C. area this morning.  Choosing to attend American University for my undergraduate education has given me many blessings, and I consider being able to re-connect and visit with my mom's childhood friend and her family one of the greater blessings.

Today, I saw God in hospitality.

Lent 40

Well, I survived Palm Sunday. The hosannas have been sung. The branches have been waved. And now that the dust has settled and the sounds fade in the distance, we are left staring down the barrel of the cross.

However, there is still a long way for me to go between now and Good Friday. Classes to attend. A paper to write. Services to participate in. It's gonna be great. But in the meantime, one day down, five to go. 

Today, I saw God in a successful Palm Sunday. 

Lent 39

Holy Week starts tomorrow.  For those of you following along at home who do not hold leadership positions in a church, it's a pretty crazy week for us.  It's so crazy, that the seminary gives students Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of it off, in part so that we can appropriately observe the solemnity of Christ's Passion, but also because they know that many of us will have to be working a number of services and getting things prepared for the celebration of Easter next Sunday.  In addition, the services during Holy Week are often big productions.  Tomorrow—Palm Sunday—alone at the church I work at, both services will feature the really young (5-7) children's choir, the older (7-10) children's choir (featuring a few members of the church's bell choir), the youth (middle/high school) choir, and the adult choir.  Each of these groups are offering their own anthems, which means they have to be shoved into an already jam-packed order of worship.  They also all have to rehearse in the sanctuary (to get accustomed to the space), which adds to the logistical complications of the service.  In short, tomorrow morning is going to be stressful (and I'm wondering if it'll be better if my children's choir just doesn't perform on Palm Sunday next year).

But in spite of all that and all the stress that is about to fall on me in the next two weeks (Holy Week, two papers, a group debate, and concert week), today was rather calm.  I woke up around 9 and stayed in bed.  I did some reading (for one of my papers).  I took a nap.  I did some cleaning.  My mom got in.  I had an absolutely lovely dinner with her at P.F. Chang's.  It was all very peaceful, and kind of put my mind at ease for what's about to come tomorrow.  She'll be in town for the next couple of days, so that'll definitely help too.  Wish me luck on what's coming this week, and say a prayer for the pastors and church employees who are working so hard to ensure that Holy Week and Easter are meaningful for their congregants.

Today, I saw God in the calm before the storm.

Lent 38

I started writing the post for today, and then my Blogger app crashed and I lost it. Unfortunately for you, I'm not going to retype everything I said (which I thought was very good. Had clear flow and direction. Solid writing. Etc) because I'm typing on my iPhone, and typing for a long time on this keyboard gets annoying really quick. So here's the Tl;Dr version of what I had:

Weather in DC is fickle during spring. Deciding what to wear when I leave is hard because of that. I have to hope that what I'm wearing won't be too hot/too cold (I don't have very many layerable clothes). Today, what I happened to put on wound up being just right!

Today, I saw God in being sufficiently prepared for the elements. 

Lent 37

I guess that "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" is not a song that's sufficiently loud enough to be my alarm. I say that, because I totally slept through it. Didn't hear it at all. I ended up waking up on my own at 8:25. 

Now, the last shuttle leaves my apartment at 8:55, and it normally takes me 45 min or so to get ready in the morning, so I was already behind the eight ball. And yet, I was able to get everything ready and make it down in time to catch the last shuttle. It's a good start to what I feel will be a good day. 

Today, I saw God in somehow managing to catch the last shuttle after sleeping through an alarm. 

Lent 36

Surprise reunions are the best reunions.

Today, one of the childhood friends of one of my friends from college (she's one of my bros) happened to be passing through DC on a choir tour.  Anyways, he (my friend's friend) has typically visited her (my friend—we're all clear on that now, right?) here in DC each year she has been here (typically over his spring break).  She would bring him around and introduce him to all her DC friends while visiting, which is how he came to be my friend.  Over the few times we've interacted, we've bonded over our love of musical theater, so that made befriending each other pretty easy.

Anyways, like I said, he happened to be in DC today on a choir tour, and he joined my friend at the church for the free dinner the church gives to those who go to bible study, so I got to see him!  It was completely unexpected and wonderful and we almost burst out into a rendition of "Agony!" from Into the Woods.  He was only in town this time for a short period of time, so I'm glad that I got to have seen him.

Today I saw God in a surprise reunion.

Lent 35

This status popped up on my newsfeed today courtesy of fellow seminarian and blogger David Hosey:

Today, the world remembers Archbishop Oscar Romero.
In February of 1980, Romero wrote a letter to President Jimmy Carter, imploring him not to send military aid to El Salvador:
“The contribution of your government instead of promoting greater justice and peace in El Salvador will without doubt sharpen the injustice and repression against the organizations of the people which repeatedly have been struggling to gain respect for their most fundamental human rights.”
Today, the U.S. continues to send billions of dollars in military aid around the world, supporting humans rights violations in Palestine/Israel (Israel alone gets more than $3 billion a year), Egypt, the Philippines, and Nigeria, to name just a few places that have been in the news recently.
To paraphrase Romero's words: "I hope that your religious sentiments and your feelings for the defense of human rights will move you to accept my petition, avoiding by these actions worse bloodshed in so many suffering countries."

35 years ago, Archbishop Oscar Romero was martyred while presiding over the Mass.  While alive, he spoke out on behalf of the poor and the voiceless, and this unfortunately made enemies who conspired to kill him.  May his work to bring about the Kingdom of God continue today and always, so that his martyrdom not be in vain.

Today, I saw God in the life, ministry, and legacy of Archbishop Oscar Romero.

Lent 34

I had a pretty traumatic academic moment in the fifth grade.  Our teacher was giving instructions on how to do some project or something, and I wasn't 100% clear on something.  So, being the good student that I was, I raised my hand and asked a question for clarification.  The teacher responded with a snarky "who can answer Ian's question [since he obviously wasn't paying attention]?"  To this day, I don't speak much in class, or in any "professional" setting for that matter.  Now, I'm not going to put all the blame on this one incident for my reluctance to pipe up and voice my thoughts during lectures.  Part of it goes back to my larger self-insecurities (in fact, as I look back, I think that my teacher might have just been utilizing a pedagogical tool to see if anyone else could answer the question and she just had a snarky tone).

Now, there are benefits to my academic shyness.  For one, I don't think I've ever been "that annoying freshman" who voices his opinion on every topic that seemingly every class at AU has.  Reportedly, it also makes the things I do say seem that much more poignant/wise (I don't say this to toot my own horn, just what a handful of people have told me throughout my life).  Anyways, today in worship class, I broke with my habit and asked a question.

We spent the lecture talking about the sacrament of the Eucharist.  One of the questions that popped up was what was needed to take Communion, which led to a discussion on virtual worship and pre-consecrated elements.  Evidently, there are some online churches that will ship their members already consecrated Communion elements so that everyone "in attendance" can partake of the Communion.  The Council of Bishops in the UMC has evidently ruled that that practice is not ok.  This leaves the question of is it possible to have an online worshipping community that takes the sacraments?  I was mulling something over in my head during all of this.

The sacrament of communion needs to take place in a community of the faith and it also needs to be presided over by an ordained elder (in the UMC).  However, in the 21st century, people can be in community with one another and not be in the same location.  For example, I have a very close friend that I have only ever met one time in person (someone who I met on a college visit and we've managed to keep in touch pretty regularly these past five years).  In addition, through online communities like Tumblr, Twitter, Imgur, and Reddit (and Facebook to some extent), you can be friends (and I mean that sincerely) with someone and have never even have met them at all.  This rose the following question in my mind:

What is the effective consecration range of an elder?

That is to say, what how close do the elements have to be to the elder in order for them to consecrate them?  Do they have to be within reaching distance?  If you believe that the presiding elder has to touch the elements at some point during the liturgy, then yes.  But lets say you don't believe that.  Could an elder consecrate a loaf of bread that is in the same room but a few yards away?  What if that loaf of bread was in another room, but just beyond the door?  What if you're participating in worship via Skype from the other side of the world and you have a loaf of bread and a cup of grape juice?  Can the presiding elder consecrate them via Skype?

So I mulled it over in my head for a while and I eventually raised my hand at the next point for questions and asked the professor (an ordained elder in the UMC) that question.  "As an elder what is your effective consecration range?"  This led to even more great classroom discussion (especially once she and everyone else realized the implications of my question; I think her initial response once she realized the implication was "WOW").  I was also stopped when leaving class and told by some classmates that they really liked the question(s) I raised during the lecture.  For someone who's always been afraid of speaking up in class and asking questions that might be bad, that was some much-needed affirmation.  

Today I saw God in having the courage to ask a question during class.

Lent 33

When I was in high school, there were a number of times when my mom would let me sleep in and either go to school late or not go to school that day.  Her reasoning was that if my body was telling me I needed sleep, then I needed sleep (not to mention the fact that nobody should have to sit through Algebra 2 at 7:30 in the morning).  I like to think that I didn't abuse that priviledge too often, but clearly I wasn't negatively affected by missing those days of school.  In fact, I'm probably better off because of being able to have gotten that extra sleep.

I say all this, because ever since the clocks changed a couple weeks ago, I haven't been sleeping that well.  Before the clocks changed, I would frequently fall asleep before midnight, but now I've been having trouble falling asleep at all.  Now, I'm not going to blame it all on Daylight Saving Time (although it still is really stupid #stillbitter).  These past couple of weeks have also been pretty stressful with midterms/papers/assignments/etc, enough so that my sleep schedule has gotten out of whack.

What I'm saying is, I needed sleep pretty badly today.  And so, remembering the words of my mom, I caved in and took a nap this afternoon.  I don't usually like to take naps (because I worry that it will keep me from falling asleep that night), but as I was laying in my bed watching a documentary on superheroes, my body was telling me I needed to sleep.  So I listened, and it was glorious.  It was just what I needed, and given that I'm yawning pretty hard while writing this, I don't think that I'm going to have any trouble falling asleep tonight.  

Today, I saw God in a much needed nap.

Lent 32

Ok, so I kind of lied yesterday when I said I had difficulty finding a God Sighting.  Truth is, I was able to find one, but since it applied more to today, I wanted to save it for today.  Yesterday morning, I got a text completely out of the blue from my dad asking what I was going to be doing today and if he could drive down from Pittsburgh to spend the day with me.  Since the only thing I was doing today was laundry, going to a friend's birthday party at night, and listening to Bach, and since I hadn't seen him since January, I said that would be great.

Anyways, he got in a little after noon and I had a great time with him.  It was great to be able to catch up with him over lunch and some shopping.  So thanks for the visit, dad!  And have a safe drive up to Buffalo!

Today, I saw God in a surprise visit from my dad.

Lent 31

So the intent of these posts is to learn how to see God in the mundane, the ordinary, and the day-to-day aspects of my life.  After 30 days of actively searching out for how God is working in my life, I have to say that I'm a little bit tired of it.  Looking back each day and trying to discern how exactly I was hit by a divine spark is a lot of work.  Especially on days like today when nothing really of note happened.  I mean it's not like today was terrible or anything.  It was just kind of blah (it must have been something to do with the grey and cold weather).  Anyways, trying to find the light of God on such a blah day is tough.  On top of that, being forced (ok, I'm forcing myself, but still) to sit back and reflect when I have so many things coming up in the not too distant future that are competing for my attention is frustrating beyond belief.

But as I was really searching through my memories of the day for where God is working and getting annoyed that I couldn't be devoting my thought to other tasks, it hit me.  God isn't just working in the actual events of my day as they unfold, but God is also in the discernment and in my reflecting.  I know that sounds way meta, but hear me out.  Engaging with God is never easy.  Jacob wrestled all night with God before he got what he was looking for.  But the important thing to remember, for me at least, is that even though God's not always helpful or easy, God's always there with me and us.

Today I saw God in my search for God.

Lent 30

Did you know that there are over 4,000 different varieties of potatoes in the world?  How exactly we've managed to breed that many different types of a crop as simple as the potato, I'll never quite understand.  I mean, potatoes are not all that special.  You don't think of potatoes as a luxurious item. In order for them to taste any good, you have to load them up with any manner of flavorings (mmmmm...bacon).  On the other hand, potatoes are pretty versatile.  You can bake them, mash them, boil them, or fry them up.  And I guess because of their status as a "common" food, they're also pretty darn cheap.

I have potatoes on my mind today, because today was the day of Wesley's potato drop service project.  Yesterday afternoon, over 44,000 pounds of potatoes were dropped off in Wesley's parking lot so that we could bag them today to be delivered to local food shelters.  Evidently, Wesley has been doing this for around 10 years as a way to give back to our local community.

44,000 pounds of potatoes is a lot of potatoes.  We divided them up into 5-10 pound bags, meaning that at the end of the day, anywhere between 4,000 and 9,000 bags were stuffed with potatoes.  You can feed a lot of families with 44,000 pounds of potatoes.  But here's the thing about condensing 44,000 pounds of potatoes into 5-10 pound bags: you can't do it alone.  It takes a community to do that amount of work, and it takes a community with a varied skill set doing a variety of jobs.  You need people who are able to transport the big 50 pound bags of potatoes.  You need people to create the smaller bags that the potatoes will go into.  You need people actually stuffing the bags.  And that's exactly what one saw today in Wesley's parking lot.  There were students, members of the faculty, and staff all working together to get the job done.  In the brief amount of time I was out there, I was reminded of what exactly the Kingdom of God will look like and what it will take to build it.  It will need people working together without regard to class or creed to bring justice to an unjust world and compassion to the oppressed.  It's a process, but by the grace of God, we can do it.

Today, I saw God in 44,000 pounds of potatoes.

Lent 29

It's amazing how one ridiculously stupid thing can ruin someone's entire day.  Aside from having to wake up too early and for this one stupid thing, I've had a pretty good day.  I got my paper for worship finished.  I attended a fascinating talk on how food is a tool that unites countless people.  Hymnody class was a powerful look into the history of Spirituals.  I found out I have a free drink waiting for me at Starbucks.  I had a free lunch and a free dinner.  Things are pretty good.

And if it weren't for this one stupid thing, I'd have no problem saying that today was a good day.  Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I'm not going to be able to tell you what's wrong here.  I'll pull a Paul though and just say that I have a...oh let's go with "thorn"...that I'm dealing with.  In the grand scheme of things, it's really nothing.  It's just really stupid.  But it's ridiculous enough that it has dampened the mood of my day.

And yet, just as something so small and stupid can kill a day, something equally small and stupid can lift someone up.  Some people know that I have a lot of vinyl records.  Given the fact that I have nothing to play them at my apartment, it's probably a collection that's too big.  Well this weekend, I added to it by buying a huge box of them from a UMW book sale.  In that box, was the original London cast recording of Les Miserables.  I'm currently sitting in the youth room of church (which for some reason has a record player) and listening to it.  And I don't know, there's just something about listening to a record that brings me joy and peace.  Maybe it's the fact that you can't skip through a record.  Maybe it's my hipster side showing through (I swear I'm not a hipster).  Maybe it really just does sound better.  Whatever the reason, it's lifting my spirits after a crappy day, and I'll take it.

Today, I saw God in listening to Les Miserables on vinyl.

Lent 28

Well, I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be.  I guess that's really the only answer one can give 20 minutes before an exam.  Could I have done a better job preparing?  Absolutely.  But there's nothing that I can do about that now.

Am I stressing?  You bet.  I could hardly sleep last night.  But there's nothing I can do about that now.

I think part of the reason I'm this "calm" now is because of chapel this morning.  The preacher gave a message on Jeremiah's imagery of God writing God's name on your heart, and it reminded me of something I heard more than once from my undergraduate chaplain.

Every commencement ceremony at American University begins with an ecumenical prayer of invocation.  The Methodist chaplain has been asked for as long as I know to give the prayer for the College of Arts and Sciences.  As AU began to move towards an idiotic advertising campaign that stresses that AU students are hyper specialized in their respective fields, he began to pepper his prayers of invocation with language that goes against that:

"Remind these graduates that they are not defined by what they know, but by whose they are".

I've heard that message a couple of times now, and it always brings me comfort when staring down the barrel of exams week.  I am not defined by what I know.  I am not defined by my GPA.  I am not defined by my academic achievements or what letters I have before or after my name.  I am a child of God, and that is worth more than any promotions or accolades I receive here.

Wish me luck.

Today, I saw God in a well-timed reminder that in the grand scheme of things, a midterm is nothing.

Lent 27

Okay, today's post is going to have to be short. I mentioned that this past weekend was pretty crazy. I was out really late on Friday night. I then left home Saturday around 2pm and didn't get back till 8pm on Sunday evening. I've been studying and stressing for a midterm tomorrow. I've been a little on edge. But let me tell you, being able to wake up in my own bed at 11am this morning was absolutely wonderful. Sleeping in was just what I needed after this weekend. Sure, I still have the midterm tomorrow (and a paper due on Wednesday). But soon, it'll be done, and I won't have to worry about it. 

Today, I saw God in sleeping in. 

Lent 26

I try not to believe in interventionist theology, or the idea that God personally intervenes in the  day-to-day lives of individual people, changing them for the better or worse.  It starts off fairly innocently, like people praying that their team will win the big game, or people viewing that a free parking space near the door on a Saturday afternoon at the mall is a divine gift.  But can be easily extended to things like people praying that their country wins a bloody war.  Of course, it gets even more complicated if both sides are praying for victory; which side does God choose?  Are both sides going to be locked in an eternal stalemate because they both prayed to God?  And what happens to the football team (or country) that loses or when you don't get the really good parking spot?  Does that mean that God is angry with you or you did something wrong?

No, I'm much more content with seeing the day-to-day workings of humanity as either products of chance (like the parking lot scenario) or products of our individual/collective actions (like the sporting event or war example).  When God directly intervenes in our life, big things happen.  The last time God intervened, for example, God wound up dead on a cross outside Jerusalem and the entire world was turned upside down.  

This is not to say that I'm a deist.  On the contrary, I'm a theist through and through.  I believe deeply in a God that cares about all of us and is in relationship with all of us.  I just don't believe that relationship is akin to a puppeteer controlling a bunch of puppets on a string in some cosmic puppet show. This is also not to say that we shouldn't be grateful to God in our victories (or for that matter, that we shouldn't feel bad about cursing God in our losses), even if they are small and random things.  Today, I had such a random thing happen to me.

These next few days are going to be a little bit stressful.  I have a midterm for Church History on tuesday evening that I just don't feel ready for.  And on top of that, I had a worship analysis paper for Intro to Corporate Worship (no, we don't learn how to worship Wal-Mart or Costco) due tomorrow at midnight.  But then, out of the blue, one of my classmates in Church History sent everyone an email this afternoon with an online set of the flashcards he had made to aid our studying.  He absolutely didn't have to do that and by doing so, I'm sure he has earned a ton of extra brownie points from everyone in the class (or myself at the very least).  And then, our worship professor sent us an email saying that because she was late on getting us all our last worship analysis papers with grades and comments, she's giving us all an extension until Wednesday.  This lets me focus on Church history for the next few days, and then I can bang out the worship analysis paper after that.  If those sudden gifts of study resources and extra time aren't worth thanking God over, than I don't know what is.

Today, I saw God in two completely random sanity-saving gifts.

Lent 25

This afternoon was absolutely crazy. It all started around 1 when one of my roommates and I decided to check out the UMW used book sale at the church. I still needed to take a shower and get dressed (it's Saturday, so sue me) and pack up because I knew that I would be spending the night at the church's shelter. By the time we're ready to head out its about 1:30/45. We consider whether or not it'll be worth it to head out (the busses can be sporadic on the weekends). But I checked the RideOn RealTime website and it said there would be a bus we could take in 9 minutes, so we headed out and walked to the bus stop. 

Of course, the bus never came. So we're kind of just chilling at the bus stop (the next one scheduled to arrive at 2:10). However, we're contemplating whether or not we'll be able to get to the church on time by this point, and my roommate ultimately deciding to head back to the apartment. 

Of course, right after she crosses the street and can no longer safely and quickly return to the bus stop, the bus arrives (because clearly the universe wanted to make life for us miserable today). However, I'm able to get on the bus and transfer relatively quickly to the bus that takes me to the church and I get there with about 30 minutes to browse. I had spent some time scoping out the book sale yesterday, so I had an idea of what I wanted to buy. 

By the time I got there, however, one of the things I really had my eye on, a Bahrenreiter edition of the choral score of Bach's B Minor Mass (we've already established plenty of times on this blog that I am a nerd), had already been bought. That said, because my interests are so niche (see above statement on nerdiness) I was still able to walk away with a good haul (including a 1964 edition of The Joy of Cooking, a manual on how to open a bar/tavern (mostly so I can tell people I bought it from the United Methodist Women's booksale) the original recording of Les Mis on Vinyl, among others). 

At this point it's 3:00. At 5:00, I had to attend a Catholic mass for a class, so I was left with a couple of hours to kill. I decided that I should celebrate the fact that today is Pi Day by having some pie. So I stashed my bag and my haul in the shelter and I then proceeded to see where I could find a good slice of pie without having to travel too far. I found a pie shop in Georgetown on Yelp so I decided to make my way over in that direction. 

I finally made it to Georgetown around 3:45 and to the pie shop around 4:00. But because today just wasn't my day, the pie shop was sold out of pies. So I walked back to the bus stop (it was one of the most disappointing walks of my life) and I make it back to Tenley just barely in time for 5:00 mass. I decided that I would rectify my lack of pie by running to Whole Foods after the service and buying a pie to have with the guys at the shelter. 

So I bought the pie and waited for the shuttle to take me back to the church. When all was said and done, I was back there just before 6:30, which is when I had to be there.

And once I got here, and the dinner showed up and the four residents came in everything was suddenly calm. After a rushed, frantic, and sometimes disappointing afternoon, sharing dinner (and pie) with the guys, chatting with them (I had stayed with them once before and they remembered who I was, which was pretty cool), and watching Dateline with them was just what I needed. 

Today, I saw God in a quiet, relaxing evening with four pretty awesome men. 

Lent 24

The past two weeks have been weird. I mentioned before that last week was Reading Week at Wesley, which means that classes were cancelled. I also mentioned that even though I didn't have to go to class, the combination of work, homework, and Chamber Singers kept me way too busy to have an actual break.

This past week was Spring Break at AU. That shouldn't affect a normal Wesley student, but because Chamber Singers is through AU, and I frequently attend other AU events (especially the ones that will give this poor grad student a free meal): this week has been surprisingly free. 

So for the past two weeks, I've been in a "break but not really a break" mode. 

One of the weekly AU events that I usually attend is Free Food Friday. It's a pretty self-explanatory event. It's free food on a Friday. Anyways, even though that there were likely not going to be any college students around, the power that be decided to have it anyways (so, yay free food for Ian!). 

And of course, no undergraduate college students showed up, so it wound up being myself, some interns, and a couple adults. And we were still able to have good conversation and fellowship. I was able to get some clarity on PMM. And I was able to get free food. It was good for my soul, my belly, and my bank account!

Today, I saw God in my ability to still have free food on a Friday. 

Lent 23

Seven days ago, there was about 8" of fresh snow on the ground. I look outside now and I have a hard time believing that.  Save for the rain on Tuesday evening, the weather this week has been absolutely gorgeous. We've been hovering in the high 50s and low 60s for the most part. 

I haven't needed to wear a coat. I've been able to turn off the heater, hopefully creating a lower electric bill. I was even able to eat outside at Chef Geoffs for the first time this year and just enjoy the late afternoon. After the winter we've had in DC (which granted, was still mild compared to home in Rochester), this is just what we needed. 

Today, I saw God in absolutely gorgeous weather. 

Lent 22

My spiritual formations class is really surprising me this semester. Last semester, it was by far my least favorite class. I didn't care at all for the spiritual disciplines we covered (I get no benefit from introspective practices like contemplative prayer or lectio devina, which is kind of ironic given the fact that I'm a fairly introverted individual). I didn't like having to schlep downtown every week for class. In fact, the only redeemable part of that class was the Covenant Discipleship group I had to be in. 

This semester, however, I'm finding myself enjoying the lectures more and more (maybe it's because we don't meet in person every week). We're more focused on the spirituality of service through service learning. And the guest speakers who have come in have all delivered eye opening and meaningful information. 

Today, we had two representatives from the National Coalition for the Homeless come in. Both of these men had experienced chronic homelessness in their lives. By the grace of God (which is how they described it), they were able to get back on their feet and now tell their stories to anyone who will listen. Their stories were completely humbling and heart-wrenching. Dana, one of the men, said that during his time as a homeless man, he went at least a year and a half without hearing anyone call him by his name. I can't even begin to imagine what that kind of treatment does to you. Listening to what these men had to say was an incredibly transformative experience for myself. It made me realize a) just how lucky I am (even though I don't have much), b) how easily I could find myself in their situation, and c) that the unhoused population is no worse than I am, nor am I better than they are. We are all made in the image of God, and every human being deserves to be treated as such. 

If you had told me last semester that I would walk out of a Spiritual Formations class completely moved and transformed, I would call you crazy. But after hearing Dana and John's respective stories, I can tell you that there is at least some value to be had from this class. 

Today, I saw God in Dana and John's witness and testimony. 

Lent 21

To be honest, I'm struggling with coming up with something to write about today.  I've just been in a kind of funk all day.  Between oversleeping and almost being late to chapel to attempting to decipher handwritten evaluation forms from the conference this weekend for four hours straight, I'm just having a difficult time seeing God at work today.  Of course the weather—while definitely warmer than what we've had this winter—was just crappy all day.  Grey and drizzling nonstop all afternoon and holding firm in the upper 40s/lower 50s.

But it's amazing how one simple thing can brighten an otherwise dreary day.  As I was leaving Wesley from class this evening, one of my friends was making her way back to campus from work and she offered me a ride home.  It's something before (that exact scenario has actually played out at least once), but not having to take 2 busses home in the rain will never not be awesome.  It allowed me to get home in 10 minutes rather than the 40 minutes it would have taken.  Of course, this allowed me to go lay in bed and put my feet up sooner than if I had to take the bus, and honestly, that's just what the doctor ordered after this dreary day.

Today, I saw God in having a ride home.

Lent 20

One of the many...let's say joys...of getting a Masters of Divinity is field education.  Virtually every seminary has something similar to it and calls it something different.  At Wesley, it's called Practice in Ministry and Mission, or simply PMM (or PM&M if you like having an excuse to use an ampersand).  Basically, students do some time interning at a local church or a nonprofit to deepen their practical education and learn what it's like to actually work in those settings.

So yesterday, many of the sites came up to Wesley for round robin style interviews.  I had signed up to meet with four sites: two congregational settings and two non-congregational settings.  As it turned out, both of the non-congregational sites couldn't make it up yesterday, so today I spent some time meeting and talking with both sites to see if I'd be a good fit.

One of the sites was the General Board of Church and Society, which is one of the general agencies of the United Methodist Church.  I've spoken before about how I'm a little bit (okay, a big) Methodist nerd, but for those who aren't as...let's say special...as I am, GBCS serves as the policy and advocacy branch of the UMC, striving to make society more perfect (another Methodist thing).  Their offices are located right next to the Supreme Court and across the street from the Capitol building in Washington, DC.  For some reason, in my four years of being at AU, I never made it over to the Methodist building (the building GBCS is located in).  I have to admit, I was internally fanboying more than any reasonable person should have been as I was walking from the Metro to my interview. And once I got inside and started my interview, I was geeking out about how great the work they do with a host of social justice issues and how they strive to be prophetic not just to society, but to the UMC as well (and Lord knows the UMC needs prophets).

I'm not 100% sure that GBCS would be a good site for me to do my PMM for a number of reasons, but I'm still so glad I had the opportunity to go down and chat with them and see the amazing work that they are doing.  I now have to figure out what's best for me at this point in my life as I discern my PMM setting, but I'm sure that whether I end up at GBCS or somewhere else, I'm going to have a good experience.

Today, I saw God in the work and ministry of the General Board of Church and Society.

Lent 19

I have mixed feelings about taking days or even months and dedicating them to a particularly marginalized group of people. And no, it has nothing to do with me wanting a white history month or a men's history month etc. It just makes me kind of sad that things like women's history month, or international women's day, or African American history month, or any other month needs to exist. 

Oh, and don't get me wrong, I think our society absolutely needs these special months and days to serve as reminders of all the wonderful ways these groups of people have acted throughout history and the struggles they have had and continue to have to face. I just wish we didn't need to relegate it all into one month or day out of the whole year. 

That said, we do need to take a month or a day to force society, especially those in society with privilege and power, to see the problems that our less visible and less powerful brothers and sisters have to deal with on a regular basis. This was made clear to me today at youth group when one of the teenagers (a young woman) was reacting with a kind of joy that can only be described as euphoric upon hearing the youth pastor (a man) simply state facts such as "Women make less than men do internationally for doing the same job" or "feminism is important". It was as if she had never heard anyone in authority over her in her own life say those things before (and definitely not in the church). It would have been beautiful, if it wasn't so sad that the bar to elicit that kind of a response wasn't so damn low. 

Today is International Women's Day, and March is Women's History Month, so today seems as good a day as any to give a shout out to the amazing women in my life. And there are a lot of them. I've been blessed with strong female role models in many aspects of my life. 

In my family, I have the best mother a guy could ever ask for. One who has continuously supported me and encouraged me to follow my dreams and passions. I have also been fortunate enough to grow up with grandmothers on both sides of my family that who have shown me numerous times what strong women look like. I could go on and on about the wonderful female role models I have had in my family. 

Academically and professionally, I have also been blessed with strong female professors and bosses. In school (high school, college, and seminary) the majority of my favorite professors have been women. Whether they're teaching me regents physics, proper vocal technique, theory, sightsinging, or challenging  to look at Scripture in a completely different and new way, my female professors have made a lasting mark on me. And don't get me started on the amazing bosses and coworkers I've had who are women. My supervisor at my office job at AU was a particularly strong influence on me, and she served as a great role model. 

I have also been extraordinarily lucky to see so many strong women in the various churches and ministries I have been a part of throughout my life. From the two women associate pastors at my home church (and I was baptized by one of them), to a host of female youth counselors who were invested in seeing to it that the youth at my church were taken care of, to a fantastic seminary intern at my campus ministry, to a predominantly female pastoral staff at the church I'm at now (and they were the stars of worship this morning and it was absolutely incredible to be a part of that today), to the witness and ministry of larger organizations like the United Methodist Women, I have been surrounded by the love of and have looked up to many women in my spiritual life. 

And then, of course, there are my female friends and peers. They are pretty much all 10x more smart, dedicated, driven, and awesome than I'll ever be. 

I am so thankful for the women in my life. They inspire me to be a better person on a daily basis. Ladies, you all are awesome and keep on doing what you do. 

Gentlemen, take note.

Society, stop hating on women. 

Everyday, but today especially, I saw God in the amazing and awesome women in my life. 

Lent 18

For nearly the past 100 years, the USA has been observing the practice of Daylights Saving Time. A number of reasons have been cited as to why this practice is beneficial and necessary, the predominant reason being that somehow it helps conserve energy. 

Regardless why we practice it, I absolutely despise DST. I hate losing an hour of sleep. I hate that mornings suddenly stay darker longer. And I really don't care one way or the other about if evenings stay lighter. It's an arcane ritual and I think it should be done away with. 

Of course, given that I have absolutely zero influence over something to that magnitude, I just have to suffer through it like everyone else. 

Today is the last day of Standard Time in the US. And as fate would have it, I had a conference to work for my office job that forced me to wake up earlier than I would normally like to on a Saturday morning. And while waking up at 6am sucked, the fact that it was already light out made it suck a whole lot less. After the clocks move forward, getting up at 6, when it's pitch black out, is going to get much harder. So I guess I'm kind of glad that the conference was today and not next week, so that I could enjoy the benefits of a bright, early morning. 

Today, I saw God in a Standard Time sun rise. 

Lent 17

Well, reading week is just about over. Tomorrow I have to work a conference, and I'll be at church all day on Sunday. I mentioned a few days ago that I didn't really get much of a break this week. In fact, today was the only day this week that I didn't have anything looming over my head. As a result, I was able to completely relax and not have to worry about anything today. And let me tell you, it was glorious. I was able to hang out, eat some pizza, play some chess, and binge watch Netflix. Today was just what the doctor ordered. 

Today, I saw God in my being able to just relax. 

Lent 16

I've mentioned before on this series that I have a propensity for procrastination.  This sometimes gets me into big trouble.  Take today for example.

Today my application for GBHEM scholarships and my take-home exam for Hebrew Bible were both due.  Fortunately, the only thing I had to write for the scholarship application was a 200-word essay (which is nothing for this grad student).  I was able to knock that out (and by "knock that out" I mean craft a well-written and meaningful 200-word essay) in about 30 minutes.  That left me with about twelve hours to write over 3,000 words on a variety of topics that ranged from the succession narrative, to marriage imagery in Hosea (spoiler alert, it's problematic and complicated).

And by the grace of God, I was able to do it.  I literally just hit the submit button on blackboard with less than an hour to spare (kids, don't try this at home).  And now I can go to sleep.

Today, I saw God in accomplishing nothing short of a miracle.

Lent 15

It's no secret that I'm not in the best shape physically.  Weight has been something that I've struggled with my whole life.  And I don't mean that hyperbolically.  I was born one month early and still weighed a very healthy 8 pounds 6 ounces (I'm sure my mom shudders to think about giving birth to me if I had grown for another month and was delivered at term).

Anyways, I mentioned a few weeks ago possibly posting about body image.  I promise I'll get to that post one day, but that's not where I'm going today.

Instead, I'm going to post a quasi-success story.  In an effort to start getting healthier, I gave up soda back in December.  This was no small feat for me.  Soda was one of my favorite beverages.  I have fond memories of grabbing an ice-cold can of Canada Dry Ginger Ale from the garage and enjoying it with my after-school snack (one of the perks of growing up in Rochester is that during the winter, your garage can basically act as a refrigerator).  I would get refill after refill of soda in restaurants, sometimes diet soda, sometimes not.  Drinking soda would satisfy a deep craving in me that few other foods/things could.  I basically couldn't get enough of the stuff.

Anyways, I was able to be soda-free for a month and a couple of weeks and I fell off the wagon, so to speak, a couple of times.  Each time though, something similar has happened.  Here's the story of how it happened today.

I didn't get very much sleep at all last night.  I didn't fall asleep until 2am (which is WAY past this grumpy old man's bed time these days) and I had to be at work by 9 this morning (meaning I had to be awake around 7).  Anyways, I overslept and wound up having to rush through my shower, get dressed, and run out the door to catch an 8:30 shuttle from my apartment (it's better to catch the 8:05 shuttle to get to Wesley by 9).  

However, as I was sitting on the shuttle, it hit me just how damn tired I was.  So I really started hoping and praying that when I got to the bus station there would be an N2 that I could get on that would take me past a Starbucks to get some coffee.  Of course, when I got to the bus station, there were only N4s (which drop me off outside of the seminary but I wouldn't get the caffeine fix I desperately needed).

So I got on the N4, but as I was sitting there, I just couldn't stay awake.  I knew that I would have to do something to get caffeine in me, otherwise I'd be a zombie at work all day.  Unfortunately, the only option that was available at Wesley was caffeinated soda from the vending machine.  So I chose Mountain Dew because I knew that it has a ton of caffeine in it for a soda.  Mountain Dew was also like one of my favorite sodas in high school and was the only redeeming thing about restaurants/institutions that serve Pepsi products over Coke products.  But when I opened the bottle today and had a drink, I couldn't help but be repulsed by how overly sweet and generally disgusting it was.  I was forcing myself to drink it to stay awake, but when all was said and done I couldn't finish the whole bottle during my shift and I wound up throwing it out.  

Now, while this is an extreme case, it's definitely not isolated and whenever I've broken down and had a soda since December (either because it was the only option at a place or because I was just craving one) I've had a similar experience.  It just doesn't taste as good anymore.  Taking a sip is no longer as satisfying or refreshing as it used to be (sometimes it's even downright revolting).  I'm no longer bound by the grasp of an addiction to soda.  I'll take that as progress.

Today, I saw God in a disgusting bottle of Mountain Dew.

Lent 14

I briefly mentioned yesterday that this is my Reading Week.  For those who don't know, Reading Week is the equivalent of Spring Break at Wesley.  The intent of Reading Week is that students can catch up on any reading/assignments they have.  In order to do this, classes are cancelled for a week.

That said, Wesley's offices are still open, so I still have to show up to work.  AU's Spring Break is next week, so I still have Chamber Singers.  And obviously, Metro doesn't cancel activities for a week, so I still have to show up for my responsibilities there.  Given all of that, I'm not really getting a break this week.  I have something going on every day this week.

I guess not being able to take a real break is one of the perks of adulthood.

It's not all bad though.  Because I didn't have class tonight, I was able to visit with one of my emeritus roommates and catch up.  We had dinner at Nando's, and talked about work, and school, and families, and life in general.  A good time was had by all (even if our visit was cut short by the fire alarm going off).  Sure, I don't get a real break, but I'm glad that I have more time to catch up with my friends this week than usual.

Today, I saw God in a visit with a good friend.

Lent 13

I think I've mentioned once or twice that I'm a pretty die-hard Methodist. As a result, Annual Conference is something that I look forward to every year (probably because I'm a masochist). Sure, you have to suffer through things like finance reports, and Robert's Rules, and sometimes frustrating and contentious debates, but it's also pretty much the only time in the year when I get to see some pretty cool people. 

Of course, I'm talking about the young adults leaders of the conference. In the past year, we've been consolidated into a full-fledged, officially recognized group of the conference. Because of this, we get to do things like plan worship services and hold workshops at Annual Conference and get funding from the Conference to plan and hold events throughout the year. We also get to update the conference with what we've been up to in the past year by submitting a report to be included in the pre-conference materials, and I, the die-hard/borderline masochistic Methodist that I am, volunteered to write this report. 

Now, just because I'm a Methodist nerd doesn't mean I'm well-organized. So of course I had put this task off until the very last minute (thank God I got a reminder in the form of a Facebook message).

After I got the reminder, I spent some time looking at the things our group has done in the past year, and let me tell you, the young adults of Upper New York are totally kicking butt and taking names. We're growing and strengthening our bonds of community, and we have some awesome things planned. I'm not going to say we're the best conference committee (mostly because this is the only one I serve on) but it wouldn't surprise me if we're up there. God is doing some incredible things through the Upper New York young adults, and I can't wait to see what's next!

Today, I saw God in the work and ministry of the young adults of Upper New York. 

Lent 12

I just submitted my final paper for Divine Violence!  Woohoo!

I tell you, there aren't many greater feelings than closing out all the tabs you have open for a paper.  It's lifts a huge weight off one's shoulders.

Today, I saw God in submitting a paper!

Lent 11

So back in January, I took a week-long intensive course on the subject of Divine Violence in the book of Joshua. The final paper for that course is due tomorrow.

I started writing it twelve hours ago.

I have spent the majority of my day locked in my room writing this paper, and I'm not even done yet (I'm about 3/4 of the way there). Because of this, there really isn't much for me to blog about tonight. 

Yet as I look back on my day, one moment does stick out. This paper I'm writing is about how texts like the Book of Joshua have been abused too often throughout history due to people not critically engaging with the text. A surface reading of Joshua reads as promoting and glorifying violence and the dispossession of indigenous people's lands. However, after spending serious time wrestling with this book today (and theoughout my studies) I've come to view the text as a criticism of the conquest narrative. 

Unfortunately, my coming to this view doesn't erase the damage that Joshua's narrative has caused throughout history. I realized that a key component of my calling is to make sure that this text, or any text in the Bible for that matter, doesn't cause harm to any person or group of people in the future. The best way to do that is for me to keep working towards my education, wrestling with problematic texts, and preaching first and foremost through a lens of love, inclusion, and reconciliation. 

Today, I saw God in writing a paper. 

Lent 10

We didn't have cable in our house when I was a child.  I remember we had satellite tv for approximately three months one summer during my childhood, but other than that, my brother and I were stuck with 5 channels: CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, and FOX.  This meant that while most of my friends were watching programs like Rugrats, Hey Arnold, Dexter's Lab, or the Powerpuff Girls, we were watching things like ZOOM, Arthur, Sesame Street and whatever else we could watch on PBS Kids.  One of the shows that I have come to realize had the biggest impact on me, however, was Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

Mister Roger is one of the few people that I would bestow the title of "Saint" onto in a non-Protestant "oh we're all saints" manner of speaking.  His work has touched countless lives, and the more I learn about him, the more awe inspiring he is.  For example, take the time he testified before the Senate Subcommittee on Communications in 1969 response to threats to cut funding to public broadcasting from President Nixon:

Fred Rogers treated everyone he interacted with, especially the children with whom he worked, with respect and dignity.  Reports say that he treated you like you personally mattered to him.

Today marks twelve years since Mister Rogers died.  As a result, I spent some time viewing some of his old videos and reading some of his stories.  He was a giant of a man in a relatively small (143 pounds actually) body, and the world is without a doubt better because of his life.

I like you just the way you are too, Mister Rogers.

And to anyone who may be reading this, I like you just the way you are too.

Today, I saw God in the life and legacy of Fred Rogers.

Lent 9

Every year on Super Bowl Sunday, my undergraduate campus ministry would have a faith questions service.  This service, like most elements of worship, had a practical and a theological purpose.

Because our weekly worship services were typically Sunday nights at 7pm, which is smack dab in the middle of the Super Bowl broadcast, our chaplain decided that it would be better to have two services; one at 5pm for those who wanted to see the game, and one at the regular time because there was no way he was going to let something as insignificant as the Super Bowl force him to not have church at the regular time.  So rather than preach the same sermon twice (or preach two different sermons), it was decided that the sermon for that Sunday would be him answering questions submitted to him ahead of time that he had not previously seen (one of the students would collect the questions and organize them).  That way, the two services could be different enough without him having to prepare two different messages.

However, there was also a deeper theological rationale to Faith Questions Sunday.  He would frame the question/answer time by saying something along the lines of "Faith Questions is more than just the name of this service.  It's also a statement, as in 'faith causes us to question'".  The rationale being that an unexamined and unquestioned faith is not faith at all, and ultimately, that having doubts and questions does not make one a "bad Christian".  These questions, and the uncertainty they cause, are instead to be celebrated.  This is why he would also end the service by saying that the congregation should not take his answers as authoritative, but they should keep asking them and struggling with them.  Uncertainty is good.

Which brings me to today.

If you were on any kind of social media today (Facebook, Twitter, BuzzFeed, Tumblr, etc), you probably saw a picture of a dress.  In fact, you probably saw a picture of this dress:

http://swiked.tumblr.com/image/112166688660

It must have been a slow news day, because this dress (and more importantly, what color(s) it is) is seemingly all anyone can talk about.  It seems as if people can't decide whether this dress is white with gold lace or blue with black lace.  Exasperating the problem is the fact that the lighting and overall picture quality is bad, which only adds to the confusion.

Now, when I first saw this picture, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about, because clearly it's white and gold.  However, over time as I would look at the picture (especially when I saw different portions of the dress isolated, especially just the bottom portion) I started to see blue and black (which is the true color of the dress when viewed in proper lighting).  This led to a mini-crisis of faith if you will.  The dress was clearly white and gold.  I would have bet anything on it, I was so sure.  To see it slowly transform into blue and black shook me more than a stupid picture of a stupid dress should.

But then I remembered the lesson I heard every year in undergrad.  Uncertainty is ok.  Fundamentalism is not something to build a faith on, because if one thing gets disproven, the whole thing can come crashing down.  Faith like a trampoline (that can stretch and give) will last longer than faith like a solid brick wall.  Architects utilize this principle everyday.  When designing a really tall skyscraper, there has to be some allowance for the building to move a little bit with the wind, because if the building were completely solid and firm all the way to the top, the strong winds would eventually overcome the building and cause it to snap like a twig (which, funnily enough, is another illustration I could use, but I'll spare you).

Maybe this is a stupid God-sighting and me just trying to cash in on a viral topic to get more page views.  But the purpose of this Lenten discipline is to see God in the everyday, mundane, stupid, and insignificant aspects of my life, and it doesn't get more mundane, stupid, and insignificant than a debate over what color a dress is.  

Today, I saw God in a stupid picture of a stupid dress.

Lent 8

I'm a huge Methodist nerd. I'm also a huge music nerd. The natural intersection of those two subject matters is Charles Wesley, the brother of John Wesley. 

For those who don't know, Charles Wesley penned the words to somewhere between 5,000 and 9,000 hymns during his life, about 500 of which are still widely sung in churches today. I have a professor in Seminary who is fond of saying that hymns are portable theology. That is to say that hymns take large and complex theological ideas and condense them into something that is easy to grasp and take to heart for the layperson. This is especially true of Charles Wesley's texts, which rely heavily first on scripture, but also the theological ideas of his brother, John. In fact, my professor argues (and I'm inclined to agree) that Methodism would not have taken off if it weren't for Charles' hymn texts. 

As I mentioned, Wesley wrote a number of hymns that we still know and love today. “And Can It Be That I Should Gain?”  “Christ the Lord Is Risen Today”. “Come, O Thou Traveler Unknown”. “Love Divine, All Love's Excelling”. And yet, when people talk about THE Wesley hymn, chances are that they are talking about "O For A Thousand Tongues To Sing”. This is such an important hymn in the life of the Methodist Church, that the first three entries in our Hymnal are versions of this hymn (the hymn in English, the full hymn text, and the hymn translated into Spanish). 

This hymn comes from a larger poem written by Charles Wesley. The full poem is seventeen verses long. Most people will go their whole lives without reading or singing the full poem, but then again, most people don't take classes with Eileen Guenther. Today, in our class on hymnody, we sang all seventeen verses. Eileen had prefaced the singing of it by saying that some of her previous students had described singing all sixteen verses as a mountaintop experience. I'm not going to go that far, but I will say that there's just something about singing “harlots and publicans and thieves” that's...well just special. Special enough to be my God sighting for the day. I'm going to attach the full poem below, and I really encourage you to read it (maybe even sing it). I hope it proves to be as great a joy for you as it did for me. 

Today, I saw God in a really long hymn. 

Lent 7

Man alive, I'm exhausted. 

I woke up this morning at 5am and could not fall back asleep for the life of me until 7:30/8 (and even then, I had to wake up for real at 9 to get ready and catch a 9:45 bus). As a result, I spent most of the day in a fog, but there were still some pretty great things that happened today. 

Worship at Wesley's chapel was on fire this morning with the Greater Washington DS preaching a very prophetic message for Wesley's annual MLK remembrance service. Then in the evening I was in a masterclass with the Chamber Singers that took all the great stuff we did yesterday and brought it to a next level. 

Yet as I lie in my warm bed writing this out, I can't help but just feel grateful for the ability to put my feet up, close my eyes, and get some much needed sleep. 

Today, I see God in the back of my eyelids. 

Lent 6

I almost had to do two posts in a row about music.  You see, today I had rehearsal for Chamber Singers, and it was really rocking.  Everything was clicking and we were making some really fantastic music, and that is a God sighting in and of itself.  But, since I posted about awesome music yesterday, I'll post something else.

The past two days the church I work at has had a planning "retreat" to guide where the church will be heading in the next 1-2 years.  And while I am one of the rare Methodist nerds that gets really excited about things like Annual Conference, Roberts Rules of Order, etc, it can definitely take a lot out of me as well.  These types of events are usually full of petty bickering over small details that aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things, and while this two-day retreat was definitely not the worst I've seen in my time as a Methodist, it certainly wasn't immune from it either.

But I came to realize that the only reason that bickering tends to pop up at these types of events is because everyone is so passionate about why they're there, and this church is no exception.  This church has made radical hospitality one of the three main components of its mission statement, and I saw an abundance of radical hospitality these past two days extended towards myself.  First and foremost, the fact that I—someone who is not an official member of this congregation and only directs the children's choir and is the tenor section leader/soloist in the adult choir—was even invited and encouraged to attend and be a part of this session by a number of people speaks to that.  There was even an instance tonight when I was sitting on the periphery of the table where everyone else was, because all of the seats had been taken, and someone went out of her way to make space for me to sit at the table because that's where I "belonged".  And to top it all off, three different people came up to me after the session adjourned to make sure that I had a ride home (yes mom, I took one of them up on their offer).  This spirit of radical hospitality has become embedded in the members of this community, and as long as it continues to remain committed to it, in addition to the other elements of their mission statement of pursuing justice and transforming the world, I have no doubt that this church will continue to thrive in not just the next 1-2 years, but also the next 5-10 years, 10-20 years, and beyond.

You may call me a dreamer or an idealist.  So sue me.

Today, I saw God in radical hospitality.

Lent 5

Maybe I'm biased, but I think music is the most powerful force humanity has. Music can entertain. Music can inform. Music can heal. Music can empower. Music can change the world. 

I had a professor in undergrad who was fond of saying that music was the second most efficient language (only next to binary code), because by utilizing only twelve notes, one can express the entirety of human emotion.

It's been a really long day. I left my apartment at quarter to 8 this morning, and I didn't get back until 10 this evening. But through music, whether it be teaching my children's choir new music, singing a beautiful and powerful anthem in church, humming tunes stuck in my head, or listening to fantastic choirs perform everything from Bruckner to Hogan at Choral Arts Society's annual MLK Tribute concert, I was able to get through it all. 

Today, I saw God in music.